The First Five Things To Do When Just Engaged

Just recently engaged?

Let me be among the first to congratulate you and your beloved!
You are making it officially official.

If you are one of the women who first freaked out or cried, and then immediately thought, “OH MY GOODNESS WHAT DO I DO NEXT?!” then welcome to the club. Nearly every newly engaged woman at some point will feel scared and excited at the very same time. So, what should you do after you tell your family and friends (and co-workers and neighbors and strangers at the bar)? Here’s a good place to start:

Step 1. Give yourself seven days – one FULL week – of not buying anything; of not thinking about how much money you’ll need to find to pay for the wedding; of not purchasing your dress. Give yourself one full week of being happy in your situation. Impulse purchases – even if you feel they have been “planned” for years – are likely to cause anxiety in the long-term.

Step 2. (This is a super important step.) BEFORE talking money with your parents and your partner’s parents, spend some quality time with each set of parents. By taking time to focus on your families you will bond over the promise of your future, and not over the stress of the money being spent.

Step 3. Now that your families are happy and on-board, it’s time to sit down with each set of parents and talk about the realities of the financial obligations of each family. Modern weddings often bring equal financial assistance from both sets of parents. However, if your partner’s family is more traditional, and if your family is not able to support the full cost of the wedding and reception (especially if there is food involved), then you will need to openly discuss with your partner the best way to broach the topic of conversation with your future in-laws.

It should be noted that reality often sets in, and many couples soon discover that their families are unable to provide the type of financial support to give them a “Dream Wedding.” Please know that ‘by the numbers’ very few couples are fortunate enough to truly experience their ideal wedding… especially as our view of modern weddings is purely excessive and over-consumptive by nature.

In the situations where there is not enough money to get what you think you want, it is best to remember one thing: You are not getting married to have a wedding. If you remember that you are getting married because you are very much in love and focus on your marriage, rather than just the wedding, you will be able to put everything into a better perspective. If you are unable to have the wedding of your dreams, make yourselves a promise that as soon as you can you will go on a fabulous vacation, or perhaps have a rockin’ anniversary party for all of your family and friends! If it comes down to money and you absolutely have to have what you want, fore go the marriage and enjoy being engaged for as long as it takes.

Step 4. Now that you are aware of your financial situation, set a wedding date that makes financial sense. There is zero point in planning a wedding date that is too soon for your finances. If you do not have the money to pay for wedding vendors and services, then you should absolutely not be signing contracts because the legal ramifications are just too large and the risk too high.

Step 5. Find a qualified wedding planner. A wedding planner’s services will range from $300-$3,000, depending on your financial situation and the level of hired talent, but you can be sure that the wedding planner will save you TONS of cash and time and frustration and confusion. It is logical to assume that if you are relaxed and excited during your engagement, then you will start your marriage off on the right foot.

Hope this helps. Congratulations!

Enjoy your new life together!