Gloomy me

My backyard view... yup, a lake! =)

Today seems to be a gloomy day, mirroring how I feel. Woke up late as I've been feeling sick this couple of days.

Maybe it's that oh-so-wonderful time of the month. Or perhaps it's quarter life crisis. Maybe, just maybe it's reality sinking in, once again. Perhaps it's the lost sense of who am I and where I am now.

I have been pretty happy not working, enjoying life. I get to sleep in, if I want to. I can read a book, watch a movie or a series, play around in the house whenever I want or feel like doing. People always think that just because I am unemployed, I have lots of money and am free, which isn't really the case.

Firstly, being out of job means I don't have money to spend EVEN if Mr. C is working. The money he earns is just for our daily expenses and some to be put aside for our wedding. Even then, we can't save much!

Secondly, I am not as free as everyone thinks. Maybe I am trying to make up for lost times when I was working in Audit. I used to work almost seven days a week and 12 to 15 hours a day. What life did I had then? Zilch. And even then, I was more reserved, serious and moody, no one wanted to be my friend.

Ok. Kidding on the friend bit but I definitely had lesser friends to hang out with then. Now, I have many (not to brag) but just not enough time to meet all. I have many things I want to do and perhaps my poor time management hampers any progress in completing them. Thanks to Miss Procrastination, too!

Hence, my hours in my days are never enough. Even Mr. C and my friends wonder what am I ever so busy with. =p

Today, somehow I feel a tad gloomy. Today, the weight of my world seems to sit on my shoulders. If I had continually working in the suck-the-life-out-of-me audit job, I would probably be a manager. If not, I would be getting bonuses in my Corporate Finance job at the bank.

But instead, I am here, with time at hand but lacking in resources to pursue the many things I would like to. Why does that 'friend' not seem like one anymore? Why can't I have normal family or relatives? Why? Why? and Why??!!

However, 2011 is a year of me learning to make the best of situations. If I don't have much budget for the wedding of my dreams, I'll make do with what I have and still pull off a decent one. If I don't have the money to get a Coach bag or my Charles and Keith shoes or the wedding gown or photographer of my dreams, I'll just find one equally as good but affordable to boot!

And just like that, my spirits are lifted by a tiny fraction.

Just had a chat with Miss M and just hearing her bubbly voice cheered me up another teensy fraction!

When Mr. C gets back, it'll be even better. After all, it's pizza and movie night! =)